Burdens, Boundaries & Brilliance: In Celebration of Women
- Michele Aikens
- Apr 10
- 5 min read
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,5 for each one should carry their own load.”
Galatians 6:2-5 NIV
The Burden of Womanhood:
We all came here as women, through a woman. The woman that we came through had her own burdens: maybe it was financial struggles, or emotional challenges. Maybe her burden was the frustration of giving up her dream to raise children (that’s a real one), or maybe her burden was the relationships she chose. No matter how great your mother was, or how bad she was at the job of mothering, consider how her burdens impacted you.
You also have burdens you have picked up on your journey. The new bags are in addition to the ones that "come standard": considered by many to be second-class, having limitations placed on you by teachers and/or other authority figures ("you’re not good at math, English, business, or whatever we say"), the micro-aggressions experienced as a Black Woman in a world where economically we are at the bottom of the scale. Depending on your home life, you may have had burdens associated with family dysfunction.
We all inherited some of the same burdens of womanhood, plus whatever else life handed us. Before one act of your greatness was seen, you already had burdens associated with being on planet earth in a human woman's body. If we are open to the lessons, God will send people who will share our burdens (those that we don't toss) and teach us how to carry the "load" that is designed to build strength and resilience.
I have a therapist sister who explained the difference between a burden and a load. She said a burden is something too heavy to be carried alone, but we are each responsible for carrying our own loads. If we don’t allow others to share our burdens, we become dysfunctionally self-sufficient. If we don’t carry our own loads, we become needy victims. How do we maintain balance? By setting Boundaries.
The Boundaries of Maturity
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
Setting boundaries isn't natural to many of us; it must be learned. Part of the burden many of us received is to always be a “nice girl.” Nice girls help everybody. Nice girls never complain. Nice girls put themselves last. Nice girls don’t set boundaries, because nice girls don’t say “no” to requests. And if we must say no to something, nice girls give long reasons for why they can't comply. We weren't taught that "NO" is a complete sentence.
The verse above speaks to the importance of guarding the heart; that place where yes and no come from. We must guard those hearts because a "yes" can be given under duress -- "If I say no, they may get angry or decide not to be with me anymore." Why is that heart in duress? Perhaps no one ever taught you to guard it.
The burden of doing it all that we saw in our mothers often shows up in our own lives. But when you say "yes" to something out of obligation, you might be saying "no" to something purposed for you. All of the "un-boundaried" yes responses might create an unintended 'no' to the quiet time you need to connect with God, with your own mind, or with those most important to you. As we try to do it all, we will continue to experience constant anxiousness, overwhelm and fatigue. Are attempting to carry the same load as someone else? Read the passage again and make sure you aren't comparing your strengths (or weaknesses) against another's.
When someone has a burden that is too big to carry alone, if it is our assignment AND within our capacity to help, we can do that. However, if the weight of your load feels too heavy, are you carrying what belongs to someone else? Boundaries say, “This is mine and that is yours.” Take a moment and examine what you are carrying emotionally. What things are yours to work through, and what things belong to someone else.
The Brilliance In Sisterhood
Sisterhood is a bond that can hold us together when we feel we are falling apart. The brilliance in the bond of sisterhood is that we get to reflect the heart of God towards our sisters, even though we (nor they) are perfect. God does not need us to be falsely perfect but authentically trusting. As sisters, we can be bound by the knowledge that there is strength in each of us because of the load we have been uniquely designed to carry. There is also the ability to help carry what is too heavy for another to carry alone.
As we practice guarding our hearts, and paying attention to our own loads, here are some tactics and a strategy that you can try.
Strategy: Determine to understand God’s plan for your life. This is vital because this knowledge becomes the compass for where you are to go. Understanding God’s plan for your life will help you understand the load that is yours, and what is/is not yours to carry.
1. Look at what is keeping you up at night or in bed during the day and ask yourself, “Where does this come from?” If it is yours to handle, then take the steps to deal with it.
2. Find where you have allowed others to push past your boundaries or your “no” and begin to guard that place. Pause for 10 seconds before saying "yes" to make sure it comes from a healthy place. If your heart is in duress, then practice saying "no" until you get comfortable with it.
3. Look at your circle and your place in that circle. Are you known as the problem solver? What is happening in your heart you as you rush to solve what doesn't belong to you? What would happen if you didn't rush in to 'fix it'? In your circle are you the one who needs constant help? Practicing victimhood means you will always feel weak and need rescue. As you learn to carry your own load it will be uncomfortable at first, but will eventually create strength and resilience within you.
You are loved,
Michele
Michele Aikens is a minister, author and executive coach.
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